


Polite Conversation

by CeslaToil



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: ... so it has come to this, Alcohol, F/M, M/M, Multi, PLEASE DO NOT READ IF UNDER 18, Some Enchanted Evening AU, Wine, references to cross dressing, talks about sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-28
Updated: 2017-06-28
Packaged: 2018-11-20 02:32:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11326821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CeslaToil/pseuds/CeslaToil
Summary: McGucket and Titania strike up a conversation.





	Polite Conversation

**Author's Note:**

> ... If you're one of my regular readers I'm sorry.

Titania sighed as she watched the twins set up the grill in the distance. The summer heat had reached new highs as the sun blared down mercilessly from the heavens; Tanya's glass of chilled Rosé was hardly keeping her cool at all. In an attempt to cool off, Fidds had tied his beard into a bunch with a blue ribbon-- an unusual look, yet oddly endearing.

He seemed intimidated in her presence: Fidds would inhale as if he was about to speak before turning his attention back to his glass. Tanya tried to gently coax a conversation out of Fidds by asking him about work and what sort of inventions he was building, but he seemed to lose his train of thought too often, giggling nervously as he tried to form a cohesive sentence. Tanya smiled graciously. She did look quite imposing, even in the light, cotton sundress she was wearing that day. She'd just have to find a way to get him to relax around her, some topic of conversation that broke the tension between them.

From the corner of her eye, she saw that Ford seemed to be losing his battle against the sweltering sun. Stan had long ago abandoned the Hawaiian shirt he'd worn for the picnic (it now lay across Tanya's lap), but Ford had stubbornly kept his sweater on, perhaps out of spite. However, with the glare from the sun and the rising heat of the grill, Ford at last conceded defeat. He peeled the sweater off, exposing his bare chest for the world to see. She could hear Stan laugh as he pointed at a ridiculous star-shaped tattoo on his shoulder, but honestly, though Tanya mischeviously, that was a minute issue compared to the rest. He wasn't a marble carved Adonis, but the fact remained that Ford had a very nice chest. Titania admired the view with a smirk, it seemed a crime to hide all that under a frumpy red sweater.

It was then she noticed that Fidds had stopped talking and started gaping at his boyfriend as well. His eyes were wide as he gazed longingly at Ford, his ears tinting pink before returning his attention to his now empty wine glass.

Tanya was then hit by inspiration.

"Would you like me to fill that up for you? It's thirsty weather today," said Tanya, grabbing a bottle from the ice bucket.

"Okay," Fidds squeaked nervously.

"I can't hardly have one of my friends go without a drink on a day like today." She grinned as she poured him a full glass of wine. Fiddleford thanked her and began to take gulps of the sweet beverage.

"So... how's Stanford?"

"Oh,” Fidds mumbled, “Um... he's nice. We're gettin on like kittens and catnip: we've been catchin up on old times and goin out when we can. We went to the movies last week and he weren't a bit mad when I got frightened and thought that white haired ice witch was gonna come out of the screen and destroy us all."

"Stan and I can't ever agree on movies," she chuckled, "he keeps trying to get me to watch 'The Duchess Approves,' and I keep picking apart everything they get wrong about the Duchy, he hates it."

"Poor fella," said Fidds playfully.

"Oh, he bounces back well enough," she replied before taking a sip from her glass. "Anyway... tell me how you and Ford are... alone together."

"Oh? Um... we don't get out too much aside from that, just lots of staying in and... um..." He was blushing again, shooting a glance over at Stanford before adding, "reading a lot."

"Ahhhh," said Tanya cheekily, "bet it's nice cuddling up next to each other with a good book."

"Y-yeaaaah..."

"Anyway," she continued, "how's Ford... intimately?"

Fidds nearly choked on his drink. He gazed in wide-eyed disbelief at Tanya, as if he had never expected anyone to ask him such a question in his life, let alone The Queen of the Fairies.

"Do- do you mean like--"

"Yes," nodded Titania enthusiastically, "what you're thinking right now is exactly what I mean!"

"Oh!" Fidds was glowing red. He looked absolutely mortified as he covered his mouth in shock with both his hands.

"I'm sorry," Tanya said, sympathetically patting Fidds’ shoulder as she spoke, "It's quite forward of me to ask, you don't have to answer something so vulgar--"

"Good," said Fidds in an uncharacteristically soft whisper. "He makes me feel so good."

" _Aha_ ," giggled Tanya, "that's wonderful to know he's taking care of you."

"…He's got another tattoo on his ass," he said, echoing Titania's peals of laughter.

She smiled slyly before whispering back, "I have a tattoo on my thigh that Stan kisses before eating me out."

"He handcuffed me to the bed and lost the key once, so now we use silk ties instead!"

"Stan likes it when I wear lacy black underwear."

"... Stanford likes when I do that too!"

"We watched a dirty movie we found online, and it was Stan when he was twenty six with two girls and a man in a leather mask."

"I've been inventing vibrators and we've been testing em out on each other every night."

Back and forth the two confessed various sexual activities they had gotten up to with their partners, giggling and glancing over at the twins as they grilled brats and salmon on the BBQ.

 

"What do you think they're talking about," asked Ford, looking back over at the picnic table. Fiddleford and Titania were both tittering in hushed voices after hours of awkward silence between the two.

"Probably sex," said Stan bluntly.

"Stan!"

"Tanya always flutters her wings like that when she's telling bawdy stories, see?" Stan pointed at Tanya's pink, glittering wings that were in fact fluttering as she spoke.

"I highly doubt the Queen of the Fairies is telling Fidds about her sex life with you," said Ford, rolling his eyes.

"I don't doubt it at all, we do some pretty crazy stuff."

"Stan, so help me, don't say another word."

"You're just jealous," said Stan as he stared at Tanya lustfully. She had crossed her legs just enough to expose a certain tattoo he was particularly fond of…

“Jealous? Jealous of what,” scoffed Ford.

"That I got a gorgeous fairy babe and you just got possum breath over there."

Ford glared at Stan with outrage. "I will have you know that not only is Fidds a wonderful, charming person but also a _fantastic_ lover, so don't even try that with me Stan."

**Author's Note:**

> This is the closest I will probably ever get to writing smut. Soak in it. Live with my bad choices.


End file.
